Lost & Found
by actionman81
Summary: A simple trip to the mall to visit Santa Claus becomes anything but, when Noah wanders away. Who he finds is even more curious.
1. Chapter 1

December 2017  
Manhattan Mall

Olivia Benson smiled. The season was upon them. The Christmas season, that is. She held four year old Noah's hand and they walked through the packed shopping center. Noah held hands, his other hand, with his grandmother, Sheila Porter. He looked up from one woman to the other, and nodded in contentment.  
"Do you want to get your picture taken with Santa?" Olivia asked her son  
"Uh huh" he grinned  
"Sheila" Olivia glanced at the other woman, "See if you can get in line while I go pick up something for a certain somebody" she winked.  
"Of course" Sheila smiled. She took Noah and they joined the ever-growing line to meet the man in the big red suit.  
A throng of shoppers pushed past them.  
"Grandma, I see-" Noah began  
"Hang on, darling" Sheila frowned at her cell phone. A text alert had sounded.  
She let go of his hand for a moment. That was all it took.  
Noah wasn't next to her in line.  
Sheila panicked. She glanced at her phone. The alert was about a package being shipped. She frowned in disgust. She swiped right and called Olivia.  
Within minutes, Olivia appeared by her side, her jacket slung under an arm, her cell phone open in her hand.  
"He was right here" Sheila looked bewildered  
Olivia looked aghast, "You lost him?"  
"He was – he-" Sheila stammered  
"Never mind" Olivia scowled at her, "There's got to be a security guard around here" she glanced in all directions, turning on her heels like a lighthouse.  
Olivia flagged down a mall security officer, "My son is missing" she whipped out a photo of him on her phone's display.  
"What's his name?" the officer took out his phone and began texting the information.  
"Noah!" Olivia and Sheila said in unison.  
Olivia glared at her.

Noah followed the crowd. He recognized someone. Someone his Mommy knew.  
The mall was air conditioned, but his jacket with the furry collar started to feel hot. He didn't want to wear it anymore. Noah shrugged out of the coat and let it drop. He kept walking behind the group.  
"I don't want to get long underwear, Dad." a big boy spoke to a bald man next to him.  
"It's still cold now, though it won't be for long" the man replied, "Besides, you're getting bigger."  
"I'm in fourth grade" the big boy retorted, "Nobody wears long underwear like babies going skiing."  
"Eli, I know you're growing up, "the man sighed, "But you're still my son, and nothing's going to change that" he draped his arm around the boy's shoulders, "and I worry about you."  
"I'm not going to catch cold because I didn't wear thermals." the boy laughed.  
Noah smiled. How come he didn't have someone like this around. There was only that weird old man with the white hair who made Mommy cry.

Olivia and Sheila waited at the security office.  
"Just relax" the guard on duty tried to reassure them, "Your son's going to be just fine. We've got his description out of what he looks like, what he's wearing, and we're announcing it over the speakers right now."  
"He knows not to talk to strangers" Sheila sighed, "What if he doesn't go to the guard when they call him?"  
"He knows I'm a cop" Olivia was brusque with Sheila, "He's smart enough to know that a guard does what I do, helps people."  
Sheila kept quiet.  
A beat of time passed between them. Then two. Then three.  
"I'm sorry" Sheila finally turned to her.  
"Yeah" Olivia exhaled.  
"Really, I – he was there, and I should've been watching closer, and-"  
"Yeah, you should've" Olivia snapped at her.  
Sheila covered her eyes with her hands. It wasn't hard to see what would happen next.  
"You're right" her voice broke through the tears and between her fingers, "I lost Ellie, and I – now I lost Noah, and how can you ever think I could be there for him after this?"  
"I'm worried about him. Mothers do that."  
A moment passed.  
Olivia continued, "Grandmothers worry about their grandchildren."  
A beat of time passed.  
"I nearly lost him, myself" Olivia ventured forward.  
Sheila wiped her face and looked up.  
"Through the legal system, but I know what it's like to be so focused, hyper-vigilant, and still not be able to do a damned thing to help."  
Sheila stared, perhaps in awe, perhaps in bewilderment.  
"I used to have another boy, years ago. He's probably grown up now" Olivia continued, "Calvin. His mother was in jail. His father, too."  
Sheila sighed, "Is he, is he ok?"  
"He's living with his father's family, I guess" Olivia swallowed some emotion, "but not a day goes by that I'm not reminded of him. Having Noah in my life fills that – a gap that I didn't know existed."  
"You're a good mother." Sheila took Olivia's hand.  
"And you're a good grandmother" Olivia nodded.  
"Mommy!" Noah burst into the guard office.  
"Oh" Olivia hugged him tight. "I missed you so much"  
"Where were you?" Sheila asked him.  
"Grandma, it was so cool, I-"  
"Noah" Olivia interrupted him, "no, I'm sorry. Running off like that isn't cool. You could've been hurt. Thank God that the security officer found you."  
"He has a uniform just like you, Mommy!" Noah pointed at the guard, who smiled.  
"Yes, yes he does" Olivia nodded, "Let's go home, now."  
"What about Santa Claus?" Noah pouted.  
"I think after all the adventures you've had today, this is enough for now."  
"Mommy, no!" he whined.  
"And where's your coat?" Olivia realized.  
"It's- um" Noah hesitated.  
"We can get another coat" Sheila suggested, "but your mother's right. We need to get you two home"  
Olivia glanced at Sheila, "Thanks" she mouthed.  
Sheila nodded her gratitude. All of this went bumper over Noah's head, literally and figuratively.  
Olivia bundled Noah in her own dark pea-coat. The hem trailed the floor, but neither cared.

At home, Olivia sat Noah on the couch. Sheila had gone home, leaving mother and son to work out the day's dilemma.  
"Ok, we need to talk about this because it's important" Olivia began.  
"I'm sorry Mommy" Noah was quick to apologize. He flipped a metal toy car in his hands. Over and over it went. A nervous habit, or worry about an impending punishment.  
"Noah, why did you run off like that?" Olivia knelt so she and her son were eye to eye.  
"I'm sorry, Mommy, but I saw him" Noah blurted out.  
"Santa Claus?" Olivia smiled sadly.  
"No Mommy. I saw him, the man in those pictures!"  
Olivia frowned. What man in the pictures? She glanced around. On the walls were framed paintings. On the credenza stood photos of Noah at varying ages. He seemed to have grown overnight from the babbling baby to the quiet preschooler to the big boy before her now.  
Noah went on,"But then the mall police man found me before I could tell him"  
Olivia nearly fell over from what her son was telling her. The photos she'd kept, years after their undercover assignment. Had it been that long?  
Olivia looked back, back past the living room, the hallway to Noah's room and the bathroom, back to her own bedroom. Among perfume bottles, jewelry, makeup, and of course, paperwork, there were photos. Again, photos of people from her past, like Captain Cragen, Casey Novak, and Melinda Warner. Obviously Noah didn't mean them. There were two photos in particular, of her and another man, smiling, laughing, and those photos had helped make the head of a Bulgarian baby-smuggling ring believe that she was someone's wife because her pretend husband had been standing right there next to her.  
Noah frowned in sadness for her, "You looked really happy in those pictures, Mommy"  
"Yeah" she sniffed, "I did"  
"Don't cry, Mommy. I won't run away, even if I see him again. I won't go talk to him. I don't want you to cry!"  
"That's not why I'm crying" she smiled through her tears. She hugged her son, "Oh Noah" she spoke into her ear, as they hugged, "I used to know someone a long time ago, and I thought he forgot all about me. A friend of mine."  
"He had a big boy with him and they were buying underwear" Noah chattered, not knowing what his words were stirring in his mother.  
"A big- uh" Olivia pulled back and stared at Noah, "Two thousand and- um- seven" she calculated aloud" she smiled, "He must be in grade school by now."  
"Who, Mommy?"  
"You know, I think you've had enough punishment. Why don't we get some dinner in you, and then we'll see about going to the mall tomorrow to buy you a new jacket?"  
"Ok, but I promise I won't run off again like that."  
"I know" she nodded, "and if you do see that man again, it's ok. He's someone – he's a friend. You can trust him."  
"How do you know that Mommy? I don't know who he is."  
"Yeah," Olivia sighed, "he doesn't know you, either, but I trust him to do the right thing, if you two ever do meet up."  
"Mommy, are you going to cry again?"  
She smiled, "No,- let's get dinner ready. What do you want tonight?"  
"Macaroni and cheesy cheese!"  
"I think we can manage that" Olivia stood up and left Noah to his toys on the couch.  
She moved into the kitchen and heated up a small pot of water on the stove.  
The doorbell rang. "Noah, you didn't invite anyone over, did you?"  
"Nope!" he pushed some metal cars around the couch cushions, "Vroom!"  
Olivia went to the door and peered through the peephole, "Yes?"  
"You lost your kid's jacket" the male voice on the other end informed, "It had a name and address sewn into the back"  
"Sheila" Olivia sighed, "Leave it to her to try to help like that" she hadn't noticed any new tag on Noah's coat, but who knew for sure.  
"Ok" Olivia pulled her gun from her holster and slipped it into her jeans' waistband, just for safety's sake.  
She opened the door.  
She couldn't get a word out of her mouth. Her brain seemed to have frozen.  
He stood there, her son's jacket in his hand. She never thought this would have ever happened in a million years.  
Finally, she found her voice. She cleared her throat.  
It had been so long, but she said his name, at last, and it sounded so right coming from her,  
"Elliot."


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia stared at him. Elliot Stabler, as large as life, stood outside her apartment.  
She didn't know whether to slap him or kiss him. Eight years away, and he shows up now?  
His blue eyes sparkled, and his face, though partially covered up with a light beard, shone like the sun.  
Noah looked up from his toys. He smiled and jumped off the couch, "Wow, my jacket. You found it" he scampered over to Olivia. He reached out for it from Elliot's grasp.  
Olivia looked at Noah, "What do we say?"  
"Thanks" he grabbed the jacket from Elliot. He looked up, "Hey, I know you."  
Elliot stared at him, "Hi there" he waggled his fingers.  
"Please, come in" Olivia motioned with her hand. She felt like she was on autopilot, as if she was ensconced in a dream, as if there was a haze all around her.  
Elliot stepped into the apartment. Olivia could scarcely believe what was happening. Her mind flashed back to their first year as partners. Elliot had picked her up from her apartment and had given her a ride to the precinct.  
"Sit anywhere" Olivia locked the door behind him.  
"My mommy has a picture of you" Noah announced.  
"Your mommy?" Elliot grinned  
"She's a cop and she catches bad guys!" he cheered.  
"I knew you'd make a great mother" Elliot beamed at her.  
Olivia had a feeling what might come next.  
"So," Elliot hesitated, "Is there a Dad in the picture?"  
She stared at him.  
"I'd like to meet him" he followed up, "Any man that could win you deserves a hearty handshake."  
"Nobody 'won' me." her smile turned to a scowl, "I'm not a carnival prize that goes to the man who can knock down some milk bottles or make a bell ring with the heft of his mallet." she stopped, "Look, this isn't how I wanted to spend- I mean, – God, Elliot, do you know how long I've waited to hear from you, to know you're alright, to see you again?"  
"I'm sorry" he sounded like he meant it, "I should've come back sooner."  
"Well" she bit her lip, "I'm really glad you're back."  
"No, Liv, you deserve an explanation, a real one."  
"I do" she stared at her socked feet for a moment.  
"Mommy, can we have dinner now?" Noah piped up.  
"Right" she nodded, "El" she hesitated, "Can uh- you help me in the kitchen?"  
It was surreal for Olivia. It felt like time had stood still, or had sped up, or had fast forwarded over the past eight years. Had no time gone by since Elliot had shot Jenna that day in the squad room? No, of course not.  
Olivia dumped the hard elbow macaroni into the pot, which had now come to a boil.  
She had to think about her son. This wasn't the time to get into a – could she risk even thinking about it? A romance? She glanced back at Elliot. His hands were in his jeans' pockets as he looked around the room, at Noah's toys which seemed to be everywhere, at Noah himself, as he played with his cars on the couch.  
How could she let herself even begin to let herself imagine, nay, fantasize about anything with Elliot?  
Olivia stirred the softening macaroni. "El" the name rolled off her tongue as though nothing had changed. She caught herself. "Could you hand me the block of cheese from the refrigerator?"  
"Sure" he pulled his hands out of his pockets. Olivia glanced back. Elliot grasped the door handle with his right hand, yanked it open, and pulled the cheese out with his left hand.  
No ring.  
"Pull yourself together, Benson" Olivia chided herself. The man had been out of her life for eight years and here she was, scanning his hand for a wedding ring. What did she expect? For him to sweep her up in his arms and carry her off like the ending of An Officer and a Gentleman?  
"Here ya go" he handed her the cheese. Their hands didn't touch. The yellow block was passed on from one former partner to the other.  
Olivia used a ladle to spoon the the macaroni onto a plate and then hacked slices off the cheese and they ended up haphazardly over the noodles. The hot pasta melted the cheese.  
"Noah, wash your hands and come to the table" she called. Who would have thought that Lieutenant Olivia Benson would perform such seemingly mundane tasks as making dinner for her son.  
She placed the plate on the counter top and caught Elliot watching as Noah ran off to the bathroom.  
"Cute" he smiled, and looked at her, "He's what, six, seven?"  
"Four" she smiled at him.  
"What are you feeding him?" he played mock surprise.  
He turned serious, "You really are doing a great job. I hope I didn't say anything-"  
"You didn't" her response didn't let him finish his statement.  
Elliot looked over to where Noah was engrossed in his dinner, "Look Liv, I meant what I said. I need to talk with you. Maybe tonight isn't the best time, but I couldn't do this over the phone or via a text or email. I had to do this with you, in front of you, so I could tell it to you properly, the way I feel- felt- well, feel."  
He touched his left thumb to his third finger. "I – you probably figured it out that-"  
"After what happened with Jenna, I wouldn't blame her." Olivia moved to the couch. She sat down. Elliot didn't have to be told to sit next to her.  
"It wasn't like that" he explained, "She thought I'd given up, was a has-been, a quitter."  
"Elliot" her voice was full of care. It surprised Olivia herself.  
"I know, I know I wasn't. The kids were managing somehow. The twins were in high school, Eli was about as old as your son there- and the girls were just off doing their own thing. Kathleen in college, Maureen busy with her own life."  
"El, you – you don't have to do this now, not tonight, not-"  
"Then when?" He took her hand. She didn't pull away, "Jesus, Liv, I was gone for eight years. I wanted to call you, to write, to do something, just to let you know-"  
"You did" she frowned, "You sent me a miniature badge, and a sticky note about not giving up."  
"Liv, I promise I didn't."  
"Elliot" she sounded angry or frustrated, "You did. Hold on a moment" she walked into the other room down the hall.  
"So" Elliot swiveled around in the couch, "How's the macaroni?" he smiled.  
"It's ok" Noah grinned, "Lucy makes it better."  
"Lucy?"  
"My babysitter. She's nice. She lets me watch TV at night when Mommy goes out."  
"Mommy goes out huh?" Elliot's eyes twinkled.  
"Yeah" he wiped his mouth on his sleeve, "She had a friend. He had white hair. They did a lot of stuff together, took me to the park, but then he went away, and Mommy cried sometimes."  
"Oh, yeah that's got to hurt."  
"Yeah, but now she's happy again."  
"Really?" Elliot smiled, "How come?"  
"You brought my jacket back." the reply sounded matter of fact.  
"Ah" Elliot nodded knowingly. He had no idea.  
Noah hopped down from the stool, "She has pictures of you. Except you have a beard, not like this, but only on your face, and she's happy there."  
"I see". Elliot nodded, not sure of what else to say or how best to respond. His mind flashed back to that afternoon at the mall today:

Eli Stabler poked his father in the arm, "Dad, that kid is staring at us."  
Elliot looked back. A little boy with wavy hair was indeed rooted to the ground, his brown eyes peering at the two.  
"It's really weird" Eli nudged Elliot again.  
"It's fine" Elliot reassured him, "Maybe he's lost, or – you know, we should make sure-"  
"No way" Eli interrupted, "Dad, you of all people should know it's plain not cool to go bug little kids like that."  
"I'm not bugging him. I'm seeing if he's – Hey, where'd he go?"  
"There" Eli pointed. A security officer had the little boy by the hand and was leading him off.  
"Good" Elliot smiled, "Now he'll find his parents"  
"Yeah, but he left his jacket" Eli laughed.  
Elliot scooped up the nylon jacket. He flipped over the faux fur collar and looked inside. Size 5T, with a sewn-in piece of fabric at the neck, "Noah B." with an address scrawled underneath.  
He turned to his son, "Let's get you those thermals, and then we'll see if we can return this."  
"I told you, nobody wears thermals anymore!"

"Here it is" Olivia returned to the living room. Elliot snapped back into the present.  
"This is what you sent me" Olivia handed him the small gold badge with the yellow note. "Semper Fi" was scrawled on the paper, with just the word "EL" as the signature.  
Elliot laughed, "That's not my handwriting"  
"Sure it-" Olivia stared at the note.  
"I think I know who's behind this" he went on, "but I'm surprised that it came from him to begin with."  
Olivia's expression changed as the realization hit her, "No" she thought aloud.  
"After all that time" Elliot chuckled, "I still remember how he accused you of-" he stopped. Noah was staring at them.  
"I think it's bedtime for somebody" Olivia cleared her throat.  
"Ok, Mommy, you can sleep" he laughed.  
"Very funny" she scooped him up. "Noah, say goodnight to – to Elliot, and I'll tuck you in"  
"Goodnight Elliot"  
"Goodnight Noah" Elliot waved at the boy.

"Ok, you've got Eddie with you" she pulled the covers on Noah, "Do you want a story?"  
"Yep!"  
"Ok, once upon a time -" she began  
"No!" Noah laughed, "I want something real, like about you."  
"About me? Come on, it's very boring"  
"No" he giggled, "Tell me about Elliot. How come you have his photos and I never saw him until now?"  
Olivia stared at her son. How could he know what he was asking her? How could he even begin to fathom how this innocent question was unpacking an avalanche of memories for her.  
"We used to work together"  
"He was a cop, too?" Noah's eyes got wide.  
"Yes, but- look, don't you want to hear something else?" she picked up a book from the nightstand, "Barnyard Dance"  
"Nope!" he laughed.  
"Fine" she smiled, "What's important is that we worked together, and you should know that you can trust him. Ok?"  
"Ok" Noah yawned.  
"Sleep tight, my angel" Olivia kissed his forehead and shut the light. A soft glow from a nightlight bathed the room in pale blue.  
Olivia stepped back into the living room. Elliot was holding one of Noah's trucks, a car hauler.  
"Dickie loved things like this. Eli, too" he looked at her.  
Olivia sat on the couch, "He wants to be a cop when he grows up"  
"You've done well" Elliot smiled at her. He meant it, she could tell.  
"Thanks" she sniffed back some emotion.  
"Look, I do have to talk. I can't wait another eight years. I shouldn't have waited this long. Lord knows, you deserve the truth, all of it."  
"Elliot-"  
"No" he was firm, "Olivia, you're my rock. I couldn't have gotten through the divorce if I didn't know that you were there, you were out there, being you, being strong, saving the world, one person at a time."  
Olivia shuddered from his confession. Her eyes grew wide, and she inhaled, ready to speak.  
"I can't keep quiet, I can't hide how I feel, Olivia. I've spent my life hiding myself, being someone I thought that I had to be. I ran from everyone I thought cared about me. I can't run anymore. I just can't."  
Olivia exhaled, "You don't have to run anymore."


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia repeated herself when Elliot just sighed, "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. If that helps"  
"It's not simple like that, Liv" Elliot emphasized  
"I'm sure that it's not" she nodded, "but it's not something we have to take care of right now." God, could she hear herself? This wasn't like her at all. Was she simply so deliriously happy that Elliot was back that she was putting aside all rational thought for the night? How long before they'd roll into bed- she couldn't even let herself complete that thought.  
Meanwhile, Elliot kept talking,  
"This is important for me, and I never wanted to just barge in here and go about half-cocked like this, rambling- like I am, now."  
Olivia sat there, not sure how to respond. Elliot had returned, and while the eight years away seemed to slough off for them in some regards. In others, they were essentially meeting anew, like strangers would.  
Elliot continued, "I knew you'd be a great mom. If you're ok with it, I'd love to know more about him, your son"  
"Noah" Olivia smiled  
"How could anyone leave you like that to care for him alone?"  
Olivia looked over to the hallway. There weren't any movements, so it was hopefully safe to assume that the little boy was asleep, "He's adopted. His parents were in jail and the judge awarded me custody/"  
"There's no one better for the job" he smiled.  
Olivia felt herself blush, despite herself, "There are days when it doesn't seem like it," she thought back to the recent abuse case she'd been in the middle of.  
"I've got five of them, I know there are days when they'd wish I was dead or would just leave them the hell alone"  
"Yeah" she remembered the arguments that the various Stabler children had had with their parents.  
"Enjoy this while it lasts" Elliot smiled at her, "the hugs, the cuddles, the fact that they want to be around you. It goes far too fast" he sighed.  
This man, Olivia thought, he knows me, even though we've been apart for nearly a decade, he strolls in here and he can read me like a book. None of her boyfriends could say that. Not Cassidy or Tucker, or anyone else. But she and Elliot had never been girlfriend and boyfriend, not really. Undercover assignments threw them together as husband and wife usually, and sometimes as a call girl and her client on one occasion, but tonight, Olivia felt as though she had a good idea of what other women mean when they talk about someone right.  
"Are you ok?" Elliot asked with concern, "look, it's late. You've probably had a hectic day with Noah. Why don't I get out of here and let you get some rest"  
"No" she said, too quickly for her own liking. She corrected herself, "I mean, -" she paused. How could she say she was afraid he'd walk out and she wouldn't see him again for another eight years, or ever?  
"Liv, Eli is ten. He'll be fine. Dickie and Elizabeth are watching him. The worst that will happen is that he'll eat candy and pizza for dinner, watch something on television that he shouldn't, and he and I will have a talk about what being grown up really means"  
"I see" she didn't know what to make of his explanation  
"I mean, I don't have to go anywhere, and whenever I do get up, you- you know, hang on" he pulled out his cell phone, "Here, this is my number-" he pressed some buttons on his display.  
The doorbell rang.  
"Sorry" she left his side and headed to the door, "one minute"  
Olivia peered through the peephole. It was Sheila. Olivia opened the door.  
"I'm so sorry" gushed Sheila, "I know it's late, but I felt so bad about Noah, and well, I got him a new jacket to replace the one he lost" she held up a navy blue Yankees jacket, her fingers gripped the banded ribbed collar.  
"Thanks" Olivia smiled, "We managed to find Noah's jacket, but thank you so much" she took the jacket from her, "It's not too late, but I'm afraid Noah's in bed already, but please come on it" she made way for Sheila to enter.  
Sheila looked at Elliot, who looked at her.  
"Oh, you have – um- company" Sheila put her hand to her mouth.  
"It's alright" Olivia waved it away, "This is my- um- my friend, Elliot Stabler"  
Olivia turned to Elliot and motioned toward Sheila, "This is Sheila Porter, Noah's grandmother  
"You!" Sheila was livid. Olivia and Elliot had no idea why.  
"I'm sorry" Olivia began, "I don't understand what happened"  
"This- man" Sheila spat the words out, "I called the police trying to get any word on her, at all. The only thing I'd heard were that she was going from one foster home to the next"  
"Elliot?" Olivia turned to him for an explanation.  
"I meant to tell you that- I was going to tell you that" he sighed, "After the shooting, Jenna, I didn't leave the force right away. Cragen transferred me to missing persons. I tried to make it work, but, I don't know-" he stopped abruptly.  
"This isn't the time wallow in self-pity" Olivia snapped, "What happened?"  
"I called in, trying to tell them what happened to Ellie" Sheila went on, "He answered, gave me the run around and said he'd get back to me. I didn't hear about her again until I tried weeks later, after nearly going stark raving mad with worry. By then, nobody knew who he was or why he hadn't helped me" Ellie raised her voice, "If you had done your job, I would've found her, and my Ellie would still be alive"  
Olivia looked from Sheila to Elliot and back again. "Let's try to calm down and talk this out like adults. It's late, and I understand-"  
"No" Sheila shook her head and pursed her lips, "I can't spend another minute here" she turned on her heels and headed to the apartment door.  
Little feet padded down the hallway, "Mommy?"  
"Damn, he's awake" Olivia sighed  
"Is it morning already?" Noah rubbed his eyes, "Oh, hi Grandma. Did you come to play?"  
Sheila sighed, "I won't do this in front of him. He doesn't deserve this" she turned to Olivia, "But you'd better think more about who you invite in your house, especially when my grandson is here" she left the apartment and slammed the door behind her.  
"What happened?" Noah scratched his head.  
"Grandma's tired" Olivia placated him, "And it's not morning. Let's get you to bed again" she picked him up and carried him back to his room.  
Elliot sat on the couch and rested his elbows on his knees, and his forehead in his hands.  
This could not go any worse.  
But then, who knows what would happen next?


	4. Chapter 4

Sheila had left, and Olivia tucked Noah back into his bed. "You've got Eddie there next to you. Goodnight, my sweet boy" she turned off the light.  
"Mommy" Noah piped up from the bed. Olivia stood rooted at the bedroom door, waiting for him to continue, "Is Grandma angry with Elliot?"  
"No, of course not" Olivia tried to smooth over the situation.  
"But she was yelling at him. Is he a bad man?"  
"No" Olivia sounded more forceful than she'd intended. She went on, softer now, "Noah, he's safe, and Grandma is safe, and they're both good people. Sometimes, people disagree, even when they're both right about some things"  
"How can both of them be right?" he looked perplexed, "Somebody has to be wrong"  
"That's how grown ups are" she smiled, "It's not always about being right or wrong. You sleep. I promise we'll all try to work things out."  
"Ok Mommy" Noah snuggled against the covers.

Olivia walked back to the living room. Elliot sat bent over on the couch, his head resting in his hands.  
"Elliot" she began, "I'm sorry about all that"  
"No" he looked up and shook his head, "She's got a point. I should've told you everything. Not now. Years ago, but I couldn't."  
"There's no time like the present" she quipped  
"After everything tonight, you need to relax"  
"Don't you dare put this on me" she retorted  
"Fine, I need to relax" he exhaled, "Time to regroup, and get my thoughts together" he continued, "Eli is spending the night at a friend's house Friday. Would it be alright if I came by?"  
"Sure, Elliot"  
"Even with Sheila ready for me to screw up again"  
"I'll handle her"  
"Right" he grinned  
"She's important to Noah, and you're important to me, and I don't like being put in the position of making a decision" she stared at him  
"Sorry"  
"It's ok" she sighed. Elliot wasn't sure if he should believe her or not.  
With that, Elliot left quietly.  
Olivia shut the door behind her, locked it, and leaned against the closed door.  
She sighed, "How has he changed so much? Where's the anger? Where's the fire? What the hell happened to him?"


	5. Chapter 5

Friday night

At the Stablers, Elliot leaned against the open doorway to Eli's room. The apartment was small, and there was only one spare bedroom. With the twins at college, and the girls busy with their own lives, Elliot didn't need several rooms now. What had started as a bachelor apartment after the divorce felt more like home after Kathy had sold the Stabler home and moved away from what had been her life.  
"So" he began, "What are you guys going to do tonight? Make some prank calls? Watch a horror movie?"  
"I don't know" Eli shoved an electronic tablet and some power cords into his backpack with one hand and scrolled on his phone with his other hand, "Alex thought about maybe a live feed of the new Star Trek movie"  
"Yeah, William Shatner was a good actor" Elliot smiled  
"Who?" young Eli stared blankly at his father  
"Never mind"  
"What are you doing tonight?" Eli scrolled on his phone but spoke to his father.  
"Well, um" Elliot hedged, "I'll be visiting a friend of mine"  
"From work?" Eli's eyes didn't leave his device  
"Yeah" Elliot nodded, wondering where this conversation was headed  
"Fin?" Eli asked  
"No" Elliot shook his head, even though Eli wasn't looking at him.  
"Oh" Eli replied knowingly, "her"  
Elliot frowned, "Her who?"  
"Detective Benson" Eli scrolled some more, "I bet you're going to bang her"  
Elliot snatched up Eli's phone away and glared at his son, "What did you say?"  
Eli stared at his father, "That's mine, give it back!"  
"What did you tell me?" Elliot's eyes turned steel blue  
"So what? That's why you and Mom broke up!"  
"That is not- I cannot have this conversation right now" Elliot fumed and paced up and down the bedroom.  
Elliot stopped in the middle of the room and turned towards his young son, "Who told you that Mom and I broke up because of Detective Benson?"  
"Uh-" Eli hesitated  
"Your brother?" Elliot suggested  
"No" the answer came back quickly  
Elliot sighed and thought a moment  
"Look, can you just drop me at Alex's already?"  
"No" Elliot frowned, "No, and you know what? You're coming with me tonight. You're going to see once and for all what the truth really is."

At the Bensons, Olivia sighed and pulled Noah's t-shirt off the little boy's body, "How did you manage to get mustard through the cloth?"  
"Lucky shot?" he grinned  
"Sure" Olivia threw the stained shirt into a hamper and tossed a fresh shirt to her son. "Please put this on. Elliot will be here any minute"  
"All right!" Noah cheered.  
"I'm glad you're excited about that" she laughed.  
The doorbell rang, as if on cue, and Noah jumped off the couch, his t-shirt around his neck, and raced toward the door. Olivia stopped him just in time  
"I think I'll answer it this time" she was firm. "Get your shirt on first" she gave him a gentle nudge away down the hall.  
Olivia opened the door, surprised at who was behind it.  
Brian Cassidy  
"Brian?" she looked startled, "What's going on?"  
"I was in the neighborhood and-"  
"No" she stopped him, "Not now. Just – oh – come out and tell me the truth, now" she stared at his outfit: a tank top under a plaid shirt under a fur-collared nylon parka, topped off with a knit cap.  
"Just wanted to let you know the child abuse case was dropped"  
"Yeah" she pursed her lips, "I know"  
Noah ran up, finally dressed, "Are you a rapper?"  
"What?" Cassidy cocked his head to one side like a dog. On dogs, the gesture looked endearing. On Cassidy, it looked odd.  
"Big boys at the park listen to them. You look like the picture. He sounds like a candy"  
"Is that my-" Brian began asking Olivia a question.  
Olivia closed the door, "Bye Brian, I'm expecting company later"  
She turned to Noah, "Why don't you go get something to show Elliot when he gets here?"  
"Ok!" Noah raced off to his room.  
The doorbell rang a few minutes later. Olivia got up from the couch and strode towards it. She reached out to turn the doorknob but froze. Raised voices outside were audible from behind the closed door,  
"I don't want to talk to her!"  
"Just be civil"  
"I don't know what that means!"  
"Be polite"  
"I don't want to be polite. She's the reason you left Mom!"  
"That's not what happened. Now be quiet"  
"Polite or quiet, make up your mind!"  
Olivia heard Elliot practically growl. She opened the door.  
"Elliot" she forced a smile, "oh, hi Eli" she looked down at the scowling child.  
"What do we say?" Elliot nudged his preteen son  
"Bite me" the boy stared at Olivia.  
"Come on in" Olivia spoke to Elliot. The two Stablers entered the apartment.  
"Elliot!" Noah shouted, running toward them, "Look at my block towe-" he stopped suddenly, clutching the colorful brick structure in his hands.  
"Be nice" Elliot told his son. He looked at Noah, "Wow, that's something" he grinned.  
"I thought, maybe" Elliot began, now looking at Olivia, "that you could speak with Eli. He's got some- err- concerns that I needed clearing up. Sort of like that talk you once had with Dickie."  
Olivia wasn't sure how to respond  
"About how we worked together" Elliot clarified  
"Right" Olivia nodded, "Why don't you and Noah go see if you can make that tower any taller" she gestured over to Noah's room.  
"Sure" Elliot agreed and herded Noah down the hallway.  
"Eli" Olivia smiled, "You're so grown up now" she extended her hand. He didn't take it. "I remember when you were a baby"  
"Uh huh" Eli crossed his arms and frowned. His blonde hair was like his mother, but his eyes, his glare, was all Elliot.  
"Look" the boy sighed, "my dad expects you to tell me some crock about-"  
Olivia held up her hand, "Let me stop you right there. In this house, we don't talk like that"  
"It's not my house" he glared at her  
"You're a guest in my house" she frowned, "if you'd like you to act like a big boy, I'll treat you like one" she gestured to the far wall, "or if you'd like, I can have you go sit in the corner"  
"Whatever" Eli plonked onto the couch, heavily.  
"That's better" Olivia sighed, "now, if you have any questions, I'm more than ready to answer them" she sat on the couch, a cushion's space between them.  
"Are you really the reason my parents split up?"  
"In some regards" Olivia chose her words carefully, "but it's not because anything happened between your father and I. We were working together, on the job, nothing more"  
"But- my mom's really angry with you"  
"I can imagine that" Olivia exhaled, "but anything that did happen was between your parents, and I do know this much, they both love you, perhaps more than you know"  
Eli softened a little, "How do you know so much?" he wiped his nose, "about my Dad?"  
Olivia smiled, "I worked with him for thirteen years. Let me put it this way" she saw his lack of understanding, "who's your friend- your best friend- in school?"  
"Alex" he replied, not missing a beat  
"Why's he your best friend?"  
"We do all sorts of stuff together, and he's got great ideas, and we've known each other since first grade"  
"That long, huh?" Olivia looked knowingly at the blond boy  
"Well sure" Eli was in his element, "We both liked pocket monsters, and then spinners, and sometimes, when I think of something, he thinks of it too, and we agree on a lot of stuff"  
"Ok" Olivia replied slowly, "that's a little bit like how your father and I worked together. We had similar ideas, and shared some concepts about things, and when we couldn't agree, we talked it out"  
"I wish my parents talked things out more" Eli stared ahead, and didn't look at Olivia.  
A moment of time passed. Olivia began, "So, you're about ten"  
Eli looked at her, surprised, "Yeah, how'd you know?"  
"Well," she started, "I was there when you were born"  
"Mom never told me that" he looked genuinely shocked  
Olivia smiled. Of course Kathy hadn't. Who knows what had transpired between husband and wife in the interim? Of course, there could be far more innocuous reasons for that as well. She ventured forward,  
"I do want you to know that I'd never do anything to come between your parents"  
"But my dad still liked you"  
"Oh"  
"Really" he went on, "they'd argue about that. Mom was sure that you and Dad were – " he stopped abruptly. Most likely that the Stabler manners were waging war inside him.  
"Your parents love each other" Olivia tried to smooth things over  
"No" Eli shook his head, "They fight all the time. That's not love. Love is kissing and holding hands and stuff like that"  
Olivia wanted to laugh. How wonderful it was to have such an innocent view on love.  
"I bet my dad wants to hold hands with you. That's why the two of them fight so much"  
"Even now?" Olivia was genuinely concerned. It had been nearly seven years that he'd been away.  
"I'm with him for now, but that was because Mom was being really weird"  
Olivia waited for him to continue.  
"You know what boyfriends are?" he looked at her.  
"Do you?"  
"Sure" he gave her a knowing look, "you do all that stuff, holding hands, kissing, stuff like that."  
Olivia looked confused, "Who has a boyfriend?"  
"Mom" he answered quickly, "She had a lot when I was there, but sometimes, she'd forget, and call them the wrong name"  
Olivia opened her mouth to ask, but Eli kept talking  
"Is it weird that she called them my dad's name?"

In the other room, Noah built a tall tower of interlocking colorful bricks. Elliot sat across from him, fidgeting with some metal cars.  
"So, you're mom's pretty good, huh?"  
"She's ok" Noah frowned and snapped two bricks together  
"What about your grandma?"  
"I like her" Noah perked up, "She tells me about a lot of stuff"  
"Uh huh" Elliot nodded  
"If she's my grandma, does that mean she's Mommy's Mommy or -" he paused  
"Or?"  
"Well, I don't have a daddy, but she could be his mommy"  
"Uh" Elliot nervously clicked two bricks together.  
God, what had he started?  
"Liv, um, could you come in here?"


	6. Chapter 6

Olivia got up from the couch upon hearing Elliot's voice.  
"Wait here" she instructed Eli.  
The ten year old whipped out his cell phone, having gotten it from his father before they'd entered the apartment, and began video calling his friend  
"Alex" he began  
"Where are you?" the other boy, also ten, with a crop of curly black hair, interrupted, "and how come you're not here yet? I got the – you know what- on already"  
"I can't make it now" Eli sighed, "I got some stuff to do with my dad" he explained  
"Oh" Alex sighed as well. "Um- maybe you can come by later on?"  
"I don't know"

In Noah's room, Elliot tried to smooth things over, "You know, when I was little, I liked blocks. Used to make buildings out of them- well, my Mom said that I did, anyway"  
"Uh huh" Noah didn't seem to be paying attention. He looked up as Olivia walked in, "Mommy, if Grandma Sheila is my grandma, and that's a daddy's mommy or a mommy's mommy, whose mommy is she?"  
"That's a very good question" Olivia sounded like a teacher, "We'll talk about it tonight, at bedtime, ok?"  
"You just don't want to tell me, huh?" he grinned up at her  
Olivia looked at Elliot, "Kids, huh?"  
"Yeah" Elliot nodded, "Look, I guess we're ok here, and you talked to Eli, right?"  
"Yeah" Olivia agreed  
"Ok, then why don't I get him over to his friend's and then you and I can – um- talk some more"  
"I'd like that" she smiled

In the car, Elliot glanced over at his young son as they drove through the icy New York City streets, "So, you and Olivia talked"  
"Yeah" he nodded absently  
"Do you have any questions?"  
"Why do people get married if they just divorce later on?"  
"Wow" Elliot chuckled, "You have been thinking"  
"And how come you're not a cop anymore?"  
Elliot exhaled, getting ready to speak. Eli cut in  
"Was it boring? Did Mom or Olivia want you to go?"  
"Not exactly-" Elliot started, "I made a lot of mistakes, and well, I guess it didn't work out. But, on the other hand, I like the place I'm at now"  
"You're a sales associate" Eli sounded bored, "Alex's dad works for Mattel"  
"He does?" Elliot knew this, but didn't know that his son did.  
"Actually, he works for a smaller company that was purchased in a leverage buyout."  
Elliot stopped at a red light, "How do you know what that even is?" he stared at his son  
"Toy Story" the boy quipped.

Elliot soon returned to Olivia's after dropping Eli and his gear at Alex's apartment.  
"I just got Noah down" she smiled at him. "Come, sit with me" God, it felt good to be able to say that aloud to him.  
"Kids, huh?" Elliot sat next to her. He shrugged out of his coat and left it draped over an armrest. "You know, Eli was asking me something in the car" he looked at her, a wry smile on his face  
"Oh?"  
"Yeah, he asked did you or Kathy want me to leave the force"  
Olivia looked stunned. She'd been heartbroken and distraught, to say the least, when Elliot left abruptly.  
"You did what you had to do" she finally replied, "It hurt Elliot, I won't lie to you, not now, but it crushed me when you left"  
"I couldn't do it anymore, Liv"  
God, it felt so good to hear him say her name  
"I know" she looked away for a moment, "I don't blame you – but" she paused,  
"You didn't have to leave so abruptly" Olivia sighed, "I couldn't bring myself to say it then, but I'll say it now" she looked at him, "I missed you"  
"Did you think that I didn't miss you?" a dark cloud washed over his face,  
"Do you think it's easy for me?" Elliot snapped at her, "Huh? Is it simple to just stay at a job for decades and feel that you're just stagnant, not going anywhere?"  
"Is that how you felt?" Olivia was taken aback but genuinely concerned, "You never told me-"  
"No" he cut her off, "How can I tell you that day in and day out, dealing with rapists and child molesters and hell, being Detective Elliot Stabler was wearing away at me?. Do you even realize why I left?" he was practically yelling at her.  
"No" she barked back, "Why don't you make that perfectly clear?"  
"Shooting Jenna was a mistake, but it was just another one in the series of countless errors I've been making" he lashed out, "The first was getting Kathy pregnant, and then signing up for SVU, and then every time I screwed up, I had to look forward to Tucker breathing down my neck" he stared at her, "but you know what that's like, don't you?"  
Olivia hadn't been sure if Elliot had known much about her personal life, but now it was painfully obvious that he had.  
"Don't you dare take that tone with me" her eyes were alight with fire, "I can't believe that I waited for you" she confessed in anger  
"I don't know how you do it" he shook his head and paced the room, "Twenty years in SVU, and I couldn't take it. Missing Persons didn't help, and Homicide, what a joke" he gave a wry smile, not out of humor, but out of sarcasm. He stopped and turned to her, "Yeah, I know" he said without provocation, "I knew about Cassidy, I knew about Tucker. People talk, Liv" he snatched his jacket off the couch and pulled it on.  
"Where are you going?"  
"I have to get away, just- I have to" he headed for the front door. He held the doorknob and turned back toward Olivia,  
"We can't save them all. I don't know how you manage to keep going in everyday" he looked at her, "Why do you put yourself through it all?"  
"Because if I don't help them" Olivia glared at him, "Nobody else will"


	7. Chapter 7

The door slammed shut.  
Olivia sat on the couch, motionless. She glanced over to the hallway, not moving her head, her eyes tracking the shaft of darkness. No sound, nothing perceptible, came from the other bedroom. Noah was still asleep, miraculously, through all the shouting.  
Olivia sighed, and willed herself not to cry. Had she found Elliot, only to just as suddenly lose him all over again?

Elliot made his way down the apartment complex's hallway. His boots trudged over the knobby industrial carpeting. How could he have let himself lose his temper like that? He'd just managed to let her back into his life, and now- this? He needed time away, anywhere, just to get this off his mind.  
He stopped just before the elevator when he felt something vibrate in his pocket. Elliot pulled out his cell phone and looked at the text alert and who it was from,  
Red.  
He didn't want to deal with this, not now.  
"How'd it go?" he scanned the message.  
Elliot hovered his finger over the keypad but shoved the phone back in his pocket. He didn't want to talk, not even to her, not right now.  
The elevator doors opened and he got in.  
Once he was out of Olivia's apartment complex, and out on the sidewalk, he allowed himself to look at the readout on his phone's screen. He sighed and typed out a quick response,  
"I blew it"  
The phone vibrated. The reply came back almost immediately  
"What happened?" Elliot read.  
"I don't want to talk about it now" he typed back  
"Ok" the reply came back pat.  
Elliot stared at the text log, and the sender's name, Red. He sighed and walked back to his car.

Olivia locked the apartment, and shut the lights in the living room. She checked in on Noah, asleep, and then went into her bedroom and shut the door. She glanced at her cell phone. No new messages, no missed calls.  
Olivia headed to the bathroom, took care of her nightly ablutions, changed and got under the covers. Her cell phone lay on the nightstand, but now, the phone's screen was bright. She picked it up.  
New Message  
She scrolled up and looked at the readout,  
"We need to talk"  
Olivia smiled, until she saw who the text was from. It wasn't Elliot.  
It was Casey.  
Casey Novak.  
Olivia frowned, not from anger, but from frustration. She hadn't seen Casey in years, although not from either of their lack of trying. Olivia leaned her head back on the propped up pillows and reviewed what had transpired in the several years past.  
After the Hartwell case was declared a mistrial, Casey had been shunted to Homicide. Olivia remembered their conversation the first time after a case, after putting The Honey Rapist behind bars. Casey had wanted to be assigned to Homicide, due to there being no living victims. At the time, Olivia had said that nobody could handle the children, meaning nobody could deal with understanding why anyone would hurt children.  
"Maybe the job had become too much for her?" Olivia thought silently. She looked at the text readout and typed a quick response  
"Not now. It's too late. Maybe later this week"  
The reply came back quickly,  
"Fine, but it's important"

The next morning, at breakfast, Olivia looked over her coffee mug at her young son, "What do you want to do today, sleepyhead?"  
Noah grinned, "Let's go to the toy store!" he laughed, a spoonful of cereal in his hand  
"Maybe another time" she gave him a knowing look, "What about the park?"  
"Yes! The park!" he cheered, spraying cereal on his pajamas.

At the Stablers, Elliot lay half dressed on the bed, over the covers. His shoes had fallen in a jumble by the foot of the bed, his pants were undone, and his shirt was thrown in a heap over a chair. He was a mess.  
His thoughts were a mess as well. In the recesses of his mind, Elliot remembered a conversation he'd had with another detective from Homicide, Bishop. They'd managed to solve an international case, just by the skin of their teeth. Afterward, they'd celebrated at a bar, but Elliot had called it quits for the night, early, because he wanted to get back home.  
"I've got to make sure my kids remember what I look like." he'd said  
Bishop seemed impressed or at least surprised that Elliot had four children at the time, "They why you do this job?"  
Elliot had pondered this for a moment, "They're part of it. I guess"  
Bishop had smiled, "I can see what you get out of it. All those guys you put away, who knows how many more kids they would've hurt. Tough gig, though, huh? Really got to love it."  
Elliot had frowned then, "No. You've got to hate it. It's the only way you'll be any good at it."  
Elliot mumbled in his sleep, and rolled over. Then he heard a bell.  
The sound of the doorbell ringing woke him up. He made an unintelligible sound and then found his voice,  
"Coming" he lumbered into a standing position and made his way to the door, buttoning his jeans as he walked.  
"Oh, hey buddy" he smiled. Eli stood at the door, his backpack on, with Alex's mother eyeing the half dressed former detective.  
"Sorry about that" Elliot mumbled, "rough night-" he scratched at his scruffy beard, "Thanks for bringing him home. I hope he was ok"  
"He was fine" she forced a smile, "Take care" she looked pityingly at him, and then left.  
"Is she here?" Eli's first words upon entering the apartment.  
"Is who- no"Elliot realized who his son meant. "It's just us guys"  
"Whew" Eli wiped his forehead in an exaggerated manner and headed for the spare bedroom, his room.  
Elliot followed his son into the room. Eli tossed his backpack on the twin bed, and pulled his phone out of his pocket and began typing away. Elliot stood over him and simply stared.  
"What?" Eli finally looked up  
"We need to talk, man to man" Elliot sat down on the bed next to Eli.  
"Can you at least get dressed? You look weird"  
"You know, when I was your age, I'd never have spoken to my father like that"  
"The dinosaurs roamed the earth when you were my age" Eli scrolled on his phone.  
Elliot placed his hand over his son's, "Look. This – this- whatever it is, you've got to stop it. I've spent my life pushing people away and trying to be somebody that maybe I wasn't even really being most of the time"  
Eli sighed and frowned at his father.  
"I know it's difficult. Dickie and I used to fight all the time. I was hoping that you and I could skip all that and just be – well, just be."  
Eli yanked his hand away from under his father's, "I'm not Dickie"  
"I know you're not" Elliot sighed, "We don't talk nearly enough. You've got these devices, and I've got work"  
Eli looked away.  
Elliot continued, "You're my son. We even share a name. I look at how my life has been, how Dickie's has gone, and – well, I don't want you to have to go through so many hurdles, so many difficulties like we did. It seems like the men in our family don't talk enough. Instead, we go beat up people"  
Eli chuckled, his face still away from Elliot. He stared at the motocross poster on the wall.  
"It's hard, Dad" he finally replied.  
He turned his face toward Elliot.  
"I know it is, son" Elliot nodded.

At the park, Olivia relaxed and watched her young son play. Being wintertime, they were both bundled up, Olivia in her dark overcoat, and Noah in the navy blue Yankees jacket that Sheila had bought for him. Olivia watched as Noah threw a baseball in the air and caught it with a battered catcher's mitt. She remembered how Sheila had given it to him, telling Olivia that had been Ellie's once. Olivia took her cell phone out and texted Casey, telling her that the park was a good place to meet, and that she was available now. Christmas was still a few days away, and while the city was packed with shoppers, the snowfall had been partially cleared away. As for Noah, he wasn't keenly interested in building a snowman right now anyway.  
Olivia sat on a bench, a steaming paper cup of cocoa in her hand, and waved at Casey, who made her way along the concrete pathway. Bundled in a tan overcoat and dark scarf, the redhead ADA looked more like the animated version of the fabled Anastasia than a working professional. Casey sat next to Olivia and the women smiled at each other.  
"It's been awhile" Casey began  
"It has" Olivia conceded  
"Cute kid" Casey noted.  
"Yeah" Olivia smiled, "He's four, almost five"  
"He's not- I mean-"  
"No" Olivia knew where Casey was headed. No, he wasn't Elliot's, or Brian's, or even Ed's. Noah was hers, and recently, Sheila's as well. There was time to explain that to Casey, later, much later.  
"Right" Casey agreed. She knew Noah wasn't Elliot's, and that hadn't been where she was going with the question before Olivia cut her off. Casey knew some facts, things about Elliot that Olivia hadn't mentioned, but that Elliot had. Casey knew that without a doubt that Elliot wasn't the father of Olivia's little boy. There was time for that revelation to be explained, later. Much later.  
For now, the women sat quietly, watching the four year old toss the baseball and try to catch it.  
"I'm the greatest catcher in the world" he threw the ball up. It made a high arc and landed a few feet away. He tried again, "I'm the greatest catcher in the world!" he looked up into the sky with glee. Once more, the ball fell out of his grasp.  
Still once more he attempted. The ball bounced off his glove and rolled towards the park bench.  
Noah smiled, "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world"

Casey and Olivia smiled at the preschooler. Casey leaned over to her former colleague, "Like I said, we need to talk. It's important"  
"Ok, go ahead" Olivia looked at her.  
"It's about Elliot" Casey finished.  
Olivia simply stared at her.


	8. Chapter 8

"Ok, go ahead" Olivia looked at Casey Novak.  
"It's about Elliot" was all she had to say.  
Olivia stared at her, unable to speak.  
Casey filled in the silence, "Olivia, don't you even care why he hadn't contacted you for so long?"  
"Of course" the answer came pat, automatically, but she'd never dared to go there, not now, not when things, well, things had been going well, until recently.  
"He's been away for more than half a decade" Casey went on, "That didn't make you the slightest bit suspicious, or at least curious?"  
"Casey, just stop" Olivia frowned, "What do you want me to say? I didn't think about it. Noah got lost and he kept going on about some man he'd seen, and then, the next thing I knew, Elliot was standing at my door" she wanted to say that it sounded like something off a poorly written television soap opera, but Casey didn't let her finish that thought,  
"I know we've had our differences, but whatever you and Elliot had together, it worked" Casey continued, "and I'm not saying that anything to do with what happened, but-"  
"What happened?" Olivia was worried now, visibly so.  
"After the shooting, after Jenna died, and after Elliot left," Casey explained, "Elliot had a rough time, you probably know that"  
"He was going to explain it more fully later on" Olivia defended him  
"Right" Casey nodded, "We've been talking, off and on. I moved to Homicide after the Hartwell case"  
"Ok" Olivia acknowledged  
"By then, I'd heard that Elliot had left, and found out he'd spent a few days in Missing Persons, with the intent to move to Homicide"  
Olivia listened intently  
"That's when the calls began" Casey went on, "Threatening calls blackmailing him to stay away from the force, and – well, from you" she finished.  
"And he couldn't tell me this himself?" Olivia didn't seem to believe her.  
"He swore me to secrecy" she sighed  
"Uh uh, attorney client privileges" Olivia scoffed  
"Look, you don't have to listen to a word I say" Casey's gaze became hard, "but I thought we were friends, and whatever was going on tore Elliot apart. Do you honestly think that he wouldn't come see you, after everything that's happened? After all that you've been through?"  
Olivia was quiet for a few moments. She thought hard about what she'd learned. Blackmailing? Who else had it affected? Kathy? The children? Anyone else? Even- Casey? "Did you- receive any calls like that?"  
"Not at first" Casey confessed, "later, once they figured that Elliot and I were in contact. I've done what I can, short of going into the witness protection program" she smirked, but then became serious again, "It's been hard. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you. Elliot and I, we're friends now, and I see what he must mean to you"  
Olivia stared.  
"Come on" Casey smiled, "we all knew. I just wish it hadn't happened like this" the smile dropped from her face.  
"Yeah" Olivia agreed, "He couldn't tell me himself?"  
"He-" Casey began, "It's more than I can adequately explain"  
"Hi!" Noah ran up to them.  
"Noah" Olivia began, "I've told you about Ms. Novak, Casey"  
"My mommy said that you dyed your hair" Noah grinned, "Do you have to use paint for that?"  
Casey's face colored, "Well- I think that's a conversation for her and you to have together"  
"It wasn't like that" Olivia explained.  
"I'm sure" Casey nodded. Her expression told that she didn't believe Olivia, "Look" she glanced at her watch, "there's one more thing I need to tell you-"  
"Hi!" Noah waved  
Olivia turned to see what he was looking at.  
Elliot Stabler was walking across the lawn toward them. Dressed in multiple layers, he looked warm and inviting. His beard bristled against the cold air around him.  
"You told him?" Olivia stared at Casey  
"Like I said, you need to hear it from him. Olivia, Elliot and I are friends now, and I really hope that we can be friends, too"  
"Ladies" he greeted them, as if it was just another day at the office  
"Elliot" Olivia looked shocked that he was there.  
"Elizabeth is watching Eli. She's on her winter break from college" Elizabeth was almost a senior at NYU now. "Dickie said he'd get some leave but I don't think his CO will let him now" Elliot explained, even though nobody had asked him about his children. Dickie had gone into the Army as he'd wanted all along.  
"Maureen and Kathleen said hi" Elliot went on. Kathleen, now in her late twenties, was a crisis counselor at a local hospital. Maureen, into her early thirties, had married and seemed to be taking on the Stabler footsteps of raising a large family. Rather than playing soccer, she now coached the local pee wee group of future soccer stars.  
Elliot leaned on the bench, his hands on the backrest  
"Olivia and I were just mentioning you" Casey explalined  
"I see that" he smiled  
Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but just then, her phone rang.  
She looked at the caller ID.  
Sheila.  
They exchanged their greetings, and then Sheila barreled ahead with the conversation,  
"Olivia" Sheila began, "I was wondering if I could take Noah out for some ice cream"  
"In the dead of winter?" Olivia stared at the phone in disbelief over what she'd heard.  
"I mean, for some hot chocolate"  
"We're at the park right now" Olivia started  
"Oh, I can pick him up from there" Sheila interjected  
Olivia hesitated. She'd just reconnected with Elliot, and well, Noah did deserve some time with his grandmother, after everything that had just happened recently. Maybe a little downtime for him and for her would be good. Her meaning Olivia, and him meaning Noah.  
"Sure, that sounds alright" Olivia acknowledged, "I guess I'll see you in a bit"  
"I'm on my way there" Sheila replied brightly. Then she rung off.  
"I guess I'll leave you two to sort things out" Casey smiled at Elliot & Olivia, and made her way across the lawn, away from them. Neither Olivia nor Elliot had mentioned the ring she now wore on her hand.

Soon, Sheila appeared. She stared grimly at Elliot, but said nothing.  
Noah took her hand, and waved at his mother with his available hand. He tucked the baseball glove under his arm, held the baseball in his hand, as grandmother and grandson made their way down the sidewalk towards Sheila's rental sedan.  
Olivia turned to Elliot, who now sat on the bench next to her. Dressed in a gray hoodie and a woven overcoat, he looked warm.  
"Why?" Olivia didn't waste time, "You could've told me, but you kept it to yourself"  
"I didn't have much of a choice" he shrugged his shoulders  
"But you told Casey"  
"She's a lawyer, and I didn't realize she'd be affected, too"  
"I can imagine"  
"Liv, they torched her apartment" he was blunt. "I shouldn't have said that" he softened, "Casey should've been the one to disclose that"  
"It's ok" Olivia sighed, "she mentioned a few things about you- things that I'd have rather heard from you, myself"  
"I'm sorry, Liv" he began, "It was out of my hands. Once the calls started, things kept getting worse from there. They went after me, Kathy, the kids, anyone who they thought mattered to me"  
"Then why not-" she stopped. She couldn't finish the thought- why not attack her as well?  
"They wanted me to stay away from you, not the other way around" he surmised aloud, "so I couldn't call you or let you know what happened. After you got kidnapped and that Lewis guy-"  
She interrupted him, "Stop" she held up a hand, "I don't want to go there"  
"I should've been there for you." he sighed, "I'd have torn that bastard limb from limb"  
"I know, you would've" she smiled. "I missed you so much, Elliot. You're such a presence in my life"  
"There's so much I have to tell you, about the kids, about Kathy-"  
"Is everything ok?"  
"I mean, you know we're divorced" he sounded like it was public knowledge  
"I guess you wouldn't be here otherwise"  
"Yeah" he chuckled, "but you had nothing to do with that" he turned serious, "It was about me leaving the force, not able to hold a real job for awhile, the blackmail calls, the letters"  
"And you couldn't trace them?" Olivia turned detective once more  
"I couldn't very well talk to TARU, not then" he confessed, "but Casey did some digging" he explained  
"And?" Olivia wanted to know  
"It didn't go very far until we hit a dead end."  
"I'm sorry"she truly felt remorseful for him, "Are you still receiving calls?"  
"Not as much" Elliot sighed, "which is good" he explained, "but by then, it seemed like everyone involved knew I didn't want to risk my family- the kids, I mean"  
"Oh" Olivia looked at the bench seat, crestfallen  
"Liv" he took her chin in his hand, and guided her face up so she was looking at him, "I'd risk nearly everything to see you. You and my kids are all I've got left"  
Olivia smiled and remembered the last time he'd said something like that, except then, it was her and his job of being a detective was all he'd had. Thankfully, he now had his kids, too.  
"It's getting cold out here" she looked up momentarily. The sky was turning dark as clouds loomed overhead, "How about some coffee?"  
Elliot smiled, "Coffee and you? My day's looking better and better"

Meanwhile, as Sheila's rental car sped on, Noah looked at building as they whizzed past by.  
"We passed the green lady place" Noah noticed as they whizzed past one of the many Starbucks  
"That's ok" Sheila smiled at him from the driver's seat, "We're taking a little journey"  
"Like a trip?" Noah looked up from his lap.  
"Sure"  
"But we left Eddie"  
"Is Eddie a friend of yours?" Sheila looked at the road ahead  
"He's my toy" Noah explained, "I never sleep without him"  
"I see" Sheila replied knowingly, "by the way, do you know what you want for Christmas?"  
"Another police car" the answer came pat, "a shiny shield and a gun to catch bad guys with," he paused, "a real wooden bat like the big league players have" he stopped.  
"Oh, is that all?" Sheila seemed surprised by his long list  
"No" he said matter of factly, "I'd like a daddy"  
"A- um-" Sheila couldn't finish the sentence.  
"I wonder if" Noah went on, "I ask Elliot, will he be my daddy. I know Mommy likes him a lot"  
The car stopped at a red light. Noah unbuckled his seat belt, reached forward and turned on the radio.  
Christmas songs floated through the car, "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas" Bing Crosby sang.  
Sheila flipped off the radio, "Let's not listen to that right now" she smiled, "How would you like to hear a story?"  
"Ok" Noah replied from the backseat, his seat-belt on again.  
"Once upon a time, there was a little girl. She loved playing outdoors during the day, she loved having her mother read to her at night."  
"This is boring" Noah yawned  
"Well, the little girl grew up. She still loved playing. She played baseball, and loved to run on the grass. But one day, she met a mean man, who wanted to take her away"  
"Oh" Noah perked up, "What happened to her?"  
"Well, the bad man took her away from her mother, and then he hurt her a lot"  
"That's yucky" Noah frowned  
"But something good happened." Sheila went on, "One day, she found out she was going to have a baby, and then she'd have someone to love"  
"That's neat" Noah smiled  
"It was" Sheila smiled, too, "But she had to give away her baby to someone else to take care of"  
"Wow"  
"You're right, wow" Sheila turned the car off the freeway onto an exit ramp, "her bouncing baby boy was taken care of by a very nice lady. But I think that the baby missed his mommy, his real mommy an awful lot"  
"If he was a baby" Noah looked deep in thought, "How did he know that the lady who took care of him wasn't his mommy?"  
"Good point" Sheila pulled the car in front of a small cottage, part of a series of vacation spots for wilderness hikers, "He was a baby. I guess someone would have to tell him when he grew up"  
"Can we play baseball now?" Noah was restless in the car. Sheila was glad they'd arrived.  
"Sure" she replied, opening up the driver's door.  
Sheila looked down at her phone, making sure she'd had no calls.  
She hadn't.  
So far, things were going exactly according to plan.  
She sighed in relief.  
So close.  
So very close.


	9. Chapter 9

The coffee shop was a few blocks from the park, and Olivia and Elliot chose to walk there.  
"I'm not sure what to say" Elliot filled in the silence as they made their way down the sidewalk  
"That's a first" Olivia quipped. It seemed like they were getting back into their old stride again  
"Remind me to thank your little guy for getting us back-" he stopped abruptly. He'd almost said "back together", as if they'd been a couple once upon a time.  
Olivia realized what he'd intended to say, "A lot of things changed over time, El. I had to make a lot of hard decisions"  
"At least you did" he sighed, "Kathy took care of that decision for me"  
Olivia stared at him as they walked, did that mean he wouldn't have left his wife, even though they had a seemingly unhappy marriage?  
Elliot sensed what her look meant, "It wasn't like that" he looked at her, in her eyes. They stopped walking and stood on the sidewalk as New Yorkers passed them by, "I didn't know what else to do. My family was the most important thing to me then- the kids. Protecting them was paramount to anything else"  
"I know" she nodded  
"You didn't cause things to fall apart. That was Kathy and me-" he paused, "and I suppose, the threats didn't help" he looked at her, "back then, she was sure that you were part of it somehow"  
"As if I'd orchestrated the calls?" Olivia looked stunned at the revelation  
"Neither of us was thinking very clearly then" Elliot explained, "but whoever it was, the calls stopped as abruptly as they'd started, but by then, it was easier to" he hesitated  
"Yes?" she had to know  
"It felt easier to just – to stay away"  
"After everything?" she couldn't believe him, "You knew what happened to me. It was all over the papers, the internet, television, everywhere. Were the calls happening then?"  
"Yes" he nodded solemnly, "Trust me, short of using TARU, we tried everything possible. I even thought about hiring those guys in the black and whites"  
Olivia frowned, not understanding.  
"The Dork Squad" Elliot guessed  
"I know" Olivia nodded. Elliot meant a team of technicians who went around fixing computer problems. He hadn't said the correct name, but she couldn't remember their handle either. They weren't the police, but rather, simply worked for a chain of electronics stores. "I don't see how they could've helped"  
"I was grasping at straws by then" Elliot confessed. They made their way down to the coffee shop.  
Olivia looked around the store while Elliot put in an order. There was no sign of Noah or Sheila. Olivia walked up behind Elliot and caught the attention of the teenage boy working behind the counter,  
"Excuse me" she asked, "Did you see a four year old boy, brown hair, with a lady in her fifties.  
"There's a lot of people in here, lady" he was snarky  
"Maybe this will help" she flashed her badge at him, "And it's Lieutenant Lady to you"  
"No, haven't seen them" he dropped the bad boy act, which didn't go with his lanky frame and face full of pimples.  
"Hang on" Elliot realized Olivia's senses would be heightened by now, "Maybe they're at another shop. There's a million of them here"  
"Right" Olivia nodded mechanically, "Another one" she started towards the door. Elliot grabbed their orders and followed her.

In New Jersey, Noah played baseball with himself for a while, throwing and catching the ball, but soon tired of it. The cottage, more of a cabin, quite literally in the woods, on an unused campsite, wasn't the place for a city boy like him.  
"I'm bored" he complained, "Can we go home now?"  
Sheila, who'd been readying things in a large duffel bag, looked at him, "We're on our way home, soon" she smiled. Apparently the term home had a different meaning for her.

In New York, Olivia's calm demeanor had turned frantic. She and Elliot had already visited several coffee shops, all within walking distance from the park.  
"What if she drove somewhere?" Olivia gasped, "She has a rental car. She mentioned it, in passing"  
"Maybe" Elliot tried to speak in calming tones, "Where is she staying?"  
"She's got a room at a hotel" Olivia remembered aloud, "Maybe she took him there" she pulled out her cell phone and dialed the hotel that Sheila had mentioned. Olivia spoke with the concierge for a few minutes and looked panic stricken as she hung up, "She's been out all day, but she didn't check out yet"  
"Ok, look" Elliot held her shoulders, "Maybe it's something simple. Hot chocolate turned into a trip to the movies or the toy store. Let's try calling her"  
"Calling her" Olivia responded mechanically. She dialed Sheila's number, but line never picked up. Olivia called another number  
"Now what?" Elliot looked at her for suggestions  
"Now we get help" Olivia told him, one ear to her phone, "Rollins" she spoke into the mouthpiece, "get Carisi and go to the hotel where Sheila was staying" she barked instructions to the detectives, "Get Barba to have a warrant on the way- no I don't care- do it- no- Do it now!" she yelled.  
Olivia hung up the phone and looked at Elliot. He couldn't say anything to help.  
"Oh, God" she sighed and collapsed against him.  
"It'll be alright" he pulled her into a hug.

At the hotel, Sonny Carisi and Amanda Rollins upturned the room. "I've got brochures of campgrounds" Sonny pulled up some leaflets.  
"There's photos of her daughter, Ellie" Amanda noticed the framed pictures on the desk, "There's children's drawings" she looked at crayon sketches, "probably by Noah"  
"Anything we can use?" Sonny sighed  
"Not yet" Amanda replied, "it doesn't look like she brought him here recently"  
"So, we go back and tell the boss we came up empty?" Sonny signed  
"Maybe it's not what's here" Amanda thought aloud, "Maybe it's what's not here"  
"What are you talking about?" Sonny didn't understand.  
"What's here- photos, drawings, things she might have more of or could get more of" Amanda explained, "but what's not here- clothes, toiletries, things she'd need if she was heading somewhere" she scanned the room, "no luggage, no toothbrush, nothing"  
"She's taking him somewhere" Sonny realized


	10. Chapter 10

"There are three campgrounds located around the area" Sonny pulled up images on the screen  
"Sussex and Pilesgrove" Amanda explained  
By now Olivia was in the squadroom, barking orders,  
"Rollins, Carisi, head to Pilesgrove. Fin, you and I will go to the one in Sussex"

Pilesgrove campground

"They're not here" Amanda reported into her cell phone  
"Could they have left earlier?" Sonny looked around the grounds  
"No" Amanda hung up the phone, "We'd have found tire tracks, debris, something here to show us that they'd been here"

Sussex campground

"We're nearly there" Fin informed as he drove toward the grounds  
"Good" Olivia stared ahead through the windshield  
"You know" Elliot spoke from the backseat, "You didn't have to bring me along for the ride, but thanks"  
"It's no courtesy call," Fin explained, "Olivia wouldn't let me head out there without stopping for you first"  
"Aww, you're all heart, Liv"  
"Sure, sure" Olivia was obviously preoccupied.  
The car pulled up to the campgrounds. The three got out, and began canvassing the area.  
"I hear something" Olivia's voice was quiet as she strained to listen.  
"Come out, come out wherever you are" Sheila's voice could be heard.  
"That's Sheila" Olivia mouthed to her the others. She used her cell phone to call for backup from the local Jersey police. She informed the other two that the local cops would be on their way soon.  
The three crept up to one of the small vacation cottages. Olivia's heart jumped into her throat when she saw Noah run out from behind the cottage, Sheila hot on his trail.  
"Got you" Sheila scooped him up in a hug, both of them laughing.  
"Mommy!" Noah shouted upon seeing her  
"Sheila, let go of my son" Olivia shouted.  
Sheila gripped Noah tighter to her, "Forget it, Olivia, he's the only piece of Ellie I still have left"  
"You're scaring him" Olivia tried to reason with her  
"You're not scared, are you?" Sheila smiled down at Noah, "You're my grandson"  
Noah gave an uneasy grin.  
Elliot stepped forward, "You don't have to do this, really"  
"Shut up!" Sheila shouted at him, "You're part of why I lost Ellie in the first place" she spat the words out, "If you'd done your job, she'd be here, with me, and I'd have my family"  
"I know" Elliot confessed, "I should've done the right thing then. I have to live with that for the rest of my life" he looked at Noah, "Hey buddy, why don't you come over here, and we'll let you Mom and Grandma talk, ok?"  
Noah inched forward, but Sheila held him fast  
"He's not going anywhere." she yelled to them  
"Grandma, I'm sorry" Noah cried, "I want to go to Mommy."  
"She's not your mommy" Sheila's voice turned harsh. "Ellie is"  
"No!" Noah cried even harder, tears streamed down his face, "Mommy is. See, there she is" he pointed with his free hand. Sheila held his other in a tight grip.  
Fin had his gun trained on Sheila. Olivia stood behind him to the side, Elliot next to her. Both looked unarmed.  
Sirens blared behind them. Noah looked up and saw flashing lights as Jersey police arrived on the scene. Fin lowered his gun and spoke to the Jersey officers who exited the oncoming cars.  
Olivia looked at Elliot, "I wish your King Solomon was here" she sighed  
Elliot knew exactly what she meant.  
"Yeah" he nodded in agreement, "Let's split the baby"  
Olivia looked back at Sheila, outside the cottage, the door open, Noah only a few feet away from Olivia. She could practically touch him. She glanced back.  
By now, the local Jersey officers stood ready, guns trained on Sheila.  
"You're right" Olivia shouted to her, "He's part of Ellie, and I know how you feel. Maybe you should keep him"  
Sheila smiled widely, "Oh, Olivia," she sniffed back some emotion. She let go of Noah's hand and wiped her own nose with her fingers.  
"Noah" Elliot knelt down, "come here, buddy"  
Like a rocket, Noah raced towards Elliot and threw his little arms around the former detective's neck.  
"Now" Olivia gave the signal. Jersey police shot at Sheila, not trying to kill her, but rather aiming to only wound her. Fin had given them explicit instructions.  
Elliot held Noah, shielded his face away from the gunfire. No sense seeing police shoot his grandmother.  
"Mommy" he cried into Elliot's neck,  
"I know, she's here, pal" Elliot hugged the little boy, "She's right here for you."

Olivia bundled Noah in her coat and situated him in the backseat of the car. She rode in the back with him, while Elliot and Fin rode in the front. Fin drove.  
"What's going to happen to Grandma Sheila?" Noah looked at Olivia.  
"I- I don't know" Olivia was honest.  
"Why did she say that you weren't my mommy. You are. I know that"  
"Yeah" Olivia sighed and forced a smile. What else could she say.

It was nightfall by the time Fin dropped Olivia, Elliot and Noah at Olivia's apartment building.  
"Thanks" she thanked Fin  
"It's ok" he nodded. He knew how she felt, and she knew how he felt. He'd been at SVU almost as long as she'd been.  
Upstairs, in Olivia's apartment, she gave Noah a bath and got him into pajamas. "There" she smiled, "You're tucked in, and you've got Eddie next to you. Do you want to hear a story?"  
Noah's eyes grew wide. "No no, Mommy, no story". He recalled the cryptic story his grandmother had told him earlier that day.  
"Oh, alright" Olivia thought aloud, "Think good thoughts, and try to sleep"  
"Ok" he smiled sleepily.  
Olivia shut the light, and closed the door to his room. She walked down the hallway and found Elliot on the couch.  
"He's had a hell of a day" she summed up  
"Yeah" Elliot agreed, "Look, is there anything I can help out with?"  
"You've got your own kids to deal with. I can't ask you to do anything more than what you did today. You were there for me, for Noah, and that meant the world."  
"Of course" Elliot nodded in acknowledgment, "I wish I'd been there for you this whole time, through everything"  
"Me too" she settled on the couch next to him. It felt good having him there, beside her. It felt natural, like he belonged there, with them.  
The doorbell rang. Olivia glanced at the hallway to make sure Noah was seemingly asleep, and then opened the front door.  
Trevor Langan stood there.  
"I hope this isn't too late, Liv" he began  
"Trevor, I've had a very long day, and if you're here for what I think you are-" she tried to stop him.  
"No" he shook his head, "I'm here on business tonight" he played with the ring on his finger,  
"Business?" she didn't understand  
"Child Protective Services has lodged a complaint about you"  
"I didn't hurt Noah. That was to stop a taxicab from hitting him"  
"No, not that" he clarified, "Rather, it's because you chose not to leave him with a trusted babysitter, and instead left him with someone who put his life in danger, not to mention you had a team of officers with their guns trained on him"  
"On Sheila, who kidnapped him" she explained  
"I know" he sounded apologetic, "but I have to do my job" he handed her a brown envelope. It felt heavy in her hand. "I'm sorry" he said once more, and then left.  
"What happened?" Elliot was now behind her, off from the couch. Trevor hadn't noticed him there, or hadn't thought to mention anything.  
Olivia opened the envelope and sifted through the sheaf of papers, "CPS wants to move Noah to a foster family" she looked at him, her eyes shone with disbelief and hurt, "They think I'm endangering his life with my work"


	11. Chapter 11

"CPS wants to move Noah to a foster home, with another family because they think my work endangers his life" she sighed, unable to relay much else.  
Elliot stared hard at the open door, "That bastard, Langan, I'll kill-"  
"No" Olivia stopped him fast, "He's doing his job- I just never thought that- it would happen like this" her speech came out haltingly, as she grasped for thoughts. "I need to call a lawyer" she picked up her cell phone.  
Elliot nodded his acknowledgment and sat down as she spoke on the phone.  
"Barba" Olivia began, "CPS wants to take Noah away and put him in a foster home-" she explained her predicament. Once she was finished, she waited eagerly for his reply.  
"I can't take the case" he sighed.  
"Why not? We need someone who knows this inside and out, who knows the kind of mother I am and who knows Noah, and can vouch that I take good care of him"  
"That's the problem" Barba went on, "I'm too close to this you, let alone the case; it would be a conflict of interest. Even if I did take it, the prosecution would have me recuse myself before opening arguments had been finished."  
"So you know me and my child, how does that have any bearing on this case?"  
"Listen to yourself, Liv" Barba explained, "How will it look when I tell the judge that you're a model mother, when your own child calls me Uncle Raffi?"  
Olivia sighed. She had to agree with his logic, at least for now, "Fine. But if you don't take it, then who do I go to?"  
"You need someone who knows about the case, knows who you are, and can vouch for you as an officer of the law, and as a mother, but isn't related to you, and isn't what a jury or the prosecution could call a close friend of the family"  
Olivia stared at the phone, thinking silently about her options. Noah called Carisi and Rollins his uncle and aunt, and the same went for monikers like Uncle Fin, and the aforementioned Uncle Raffi, Rafael Barba. Then, she remembered a crack shot lawyer who was everything that Barba had mentioned- someone who knew her and her son, could vouch for her and her job, and knew she was a good mother, but who wasn't too close with her.  
She hung up the phone on Barba after quick goodbyes, and then made another call,  
"Hello, Casey?" she began.  
Elliot leaned back on the couch and sighed. He'd have to get home soon. He had his own children to worry about, as Olivia had reminded him. He'd been missing from her side for so long, and yet now, he couldn't seem to break away from her.  
Just then, they were both shocked by another sound in the night  
"Mommy! Grandma!" Noah's shouts traveled down the hallway.  
Olivia abruptly finished her call with Casey Novak, and raced to her son's room.  
Noah was shouting for his grandmother Sheila. Olivia knelt by his bed and placed her hands on his flailing arms. He woke up and looked around, searching.  
"Where is she?"  
"Who, sweet boy?" Olivia spoke gently  
"Grandma" Noah looked sleepily at his mother, "I want to see her. Can we go now?"  
"Not now" Olivia sighed, "It's late at night and you need to sleep"  
"Can I sleep in your room with you?" Noah looked pleadingly at her  
"No" Olivia shook her head, "but I can sleep here tonight"  
"Alright"  
"Sure" Olivia acknowledged, "let me go get a pillow and a sleeping bag" she headed to the door.  
She ran into Elliot in the hallway. "Oh" she literally bumped into him.  
"I guess I should go, huh?"  
"He needs me now" Olivia explained  
"Right" Elliot nodded, understanding, "I'll see you later, ok?"  
"Sure" she smiled. So much had happened, she'd gone from angry to scared to tired to frustrated, at so many occurrences that had happened so quickly.  
"I – need some time" she sighed  
"Of course" Elliot acknowledged. They said their goodbyes and he left quietly.  
Olivia settled into Noah's room on the floor, a sleeping bag under her body and a pillow under her head, but sleep would not come.

The next morning, Casey arrived bright and early to go over the case with Olivia.  
"Noah won't have to be put on the stand" Olivia sounded uncharacteristically wary.  
"He's small, no no, he won't have to testify" Casey reassured her.  
Olivia knew this. Four, even five, was too young to take the stand. Who know how family court would handle things?  
"They're going to suggest that you're an unfit mother, based on your work track record"  
"But I've put away countless pedophiles, murderers, and" Olivia began  
"And they'll say that you were busy, out of the house, and let Noah be unsupervised or worse, let Sheila run off with him" Casey was firm  
"Did somebody say something about Grandma Sheila?" Noah popped into the room.  
"Go back and play with your blocks" Olivia instructed him  
"But Elliot is asleep on them" he laughed and ran back to his room.  
"Elliot's here?" Casey raised an eyebrow, "Again?"  
"He's just helping out"  
"And he doesn't have a family of his own?" Casey quipped  
"It's not like that, and – I guess Kathy has Eli this week," Olivia sighed, "Look, I've seen how the prosecution will attack my character"  
"But you still need practice. You're still angry and volatile, and you feel hurt, and the jury will see that"  
"And it won't help, I know" Olivia sounded dejected  
"If I'm being hard, it's because I want you to win" Casey reassured her, "Nobody deserves to keep their son more than you do"  
"Thanks" Olivia smiled. Casey really was being a true friend, even though they'd had their differences.

Family Court

"Ms. Benson" Trevor began, "You're an upstanding officer of the law, recently made Lieutenant, am I correct?"  
"I recently was promoted, yes" she answered, slightly warily, waiting to see where this was headed  
"And in that time, since adopting young Noah, you've been somewhat—shall we say, busy with your work"  
"Police work is never truly done" she was more confident now.  
"Yet, in August of last year, didn't your son mention that you were busy at work, too busy, and that a routine pedestrian crossing ended with him having a bruised arm?"  
"I held him back to keep him from being run over by a taxi"  
"So, you're busy and perhaps temperamental?"  
"Leading" Casey interjected  
"Watch your tone, Mr. Langan" Judge Pretrovsky warned, "Remember this is family court, not criminal court"

The rest of the day went like that, back and forth, between Langan and Novak, as they both tried to argue for and against Olivia's custody of Noah. The judge listened patiently  
"We'd like someone else to testify" Trevor began, "if that's possible"  
"That'll have to be it for the day" Pretrovsky sighed, looking at her watch.  
"I'll be as quick as I can" Trevor smiled, "Elliot Stabler" he called  
Elliot looked surprised. He wore jeans and a t-shirt, rather than his everyday suit.  
"You and Ms. Benson have been partners" Trevor started  
"Were, I left the force a number of years ago" Elliot replied  
"Yet, you know so much about her" Trevor continued  
"Such as"  
"Such as you're helping out with Noah while you have five children of your own"  
"I'm just being a friend"  
"I hope so" Trevor winked  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Elliot questioned him  
Pretrovsky said nothing about the interaction.  
"Moving on, you and your wife split up a few years ago" Trevor went on, "Am I right?"  
"Sure"  
"And before that, before you left the force, or rather, just about the time you left the force, you began receiving death threats"  
"What does this have to do with Olivia?"  
"Just that you have a habit of leaving when things get rough. That doesn't seem like a good environment for young Noah to be around, men leaving, mothers left in the lurch"  
"And your point is?" Elliot flared  
"We're all here for Noah's safety, nothing else" Trevor waved away Elliot's comment.  
The examination was over for now. Pretrovsky ended the day's proceedings and let everyone go.  
On the way out of the courthouse, on their way to pick up Noah from his babysitter, Elliot and Olivia ran into Kathleen Stabler.  
"I hoped I'd find you both here" she smiled  
"You're so grown up now" Olivia gushed at the young woman  
"Well, I had this really great role model" she winked at Olivia.  
"Oh, thank you" Olivia blushed at the comment.  
"I guess with the court proceedings, Dad told you everything" Kathleen looked eagerly from one adult to the other.  
"The truth—about what?" Olivia looked confused  
"Tell her the truth, Dad" Kathleen stared at Elliot  
"I did" he smiled  
"No" she continued to stare, "Everything" she bore into him with her eyes. The Stabler eyes. "Tell her about the threats, how many, why you couldn't stay. Tell her what you told me. She'll understand"  
"Tell me what, El?" Olivia looked at her former partner for the first time in many years, perhaps ever, with suspicion.  
"We did get some threats" Elliot began, "Initially" he paused. Silence filled the gap. The wind outside the courthouse whistled around them.  
"Dad" Kathleen sighed, "Everyone knows you love her. Everyone. God, Eli knows that, even" she pressed the bridge of her nose with her fingers, "and I know Olivia loves you, but you can't build anything- any sort of relationship on lies"  
"It's not a lie!" he shouted back  
"Tell her or I will"  
"No" Elliot was forceful  
"He stayed away because he couldn't-" she began  
"No, stop" Olivia put her foot down, figuratively.  
Elliot and Kathleen stared at her, both unsure of what to say next. Olivia did the talking now,  
"El" she looked at him, "She's right. I do love you and I know how you feel about me" she looked into his eyes, "Tell me. Did the threats, were they the only reason you stayed away"  
Elliot looked at her but said nothing.  
"Dad, we understand that whatever happened between you and Mum had nothing to do with Olivia. We all get that now. Sometimes, relationships-"  
Elliot cut her off, "That is not the reason" he scowled.  
"Then what is?" Olivia asked the question before Kathleen could.  
"I've always been a workaholic" Elliot began softly, "It's how I got away from other responsibilities" he continued, "I knew you needed me, but- God, I've screwed up so many relationships in my life. How could I ruin the one that was always – that I needed to keep safe the most"  
"To keep safe the most?" Olivia looked stunned, "You knew I needed you. You knew how much you mean to me. What was so important that you couldn't show up? Your ego? Your pride? Your hubris?"  
"You had them" Elliot practically scoffed, "Cassidy, Amaro, they took care of you"  
Olivia remembered her words to Nick, how she'd said he'd helped her more in four short years than Elliot had in twelve.  
"You were spying on me? Stalking me?"  
"No" he shook his head, "The twins were in college by then. First I asked Kathleen" he explained.  
"So you stayed away because you thought I was better off without you?" the realization slammed her like a freight train.  
"I stayed away because you didn't need me anymore" he gave a wry smile, "You always could hold your own. You didn't need me trying to hold you back"  
"I needed you to hold my hand" she sniffed, "You and me, against the world. Fighting crime"  
"I—" Elliot hesitated


	12. Chapter 12

"Well?" Olivia repeated, "I needed you to be there for me. I thought we were partners, for better or for worse?"  
"We were" was all Elliot could reply  
"And now?" she implored, "I'm not asking your for marriage, damn it. I'm just – how could you be so dense to think that I didn't need you, especially then?"  
"Olivia" Kathleen began, "it's not totally his fault. There really was a lot going on"  
Olivia wheeled around on her heels and stared at the once young girl, now so grown up. She stared at Kathleen, not with accusatory scowls, but with eyes pleading for understanding.  
"Kathleen went on, "Mum was really angry, at Dad, but only him. She hadn't worked in—I guess ever really since Maureen was born, and now she didn't want to get lumped with a job. Eli was sick a lot then, and I guess it was just too much" she finished, "for all of us"  
Olivia opened her mouth to speak. Kathleen continued,  
"We know how Dad felt. All four of us, and of course Eli was way too little, but even Dickie said that this wasn't right"  
Olivia's mouth dropped open  
"Apparently, I guess I raised him right" Elliot grinned  
Olivia Benson was never short for words, and hated feeling like that now, "and all that time?"  
"I can't make up for lost time" Elliot took her hand, "But I'm here now" he squeezed her hand, "and I'm not going anywhere"  
Just then, Olivia's phone rang.  
"Yes?" she answered it  
"Liv" Casey Novak spoke on the other end, "Casey here. I just wanted to let you know what's going on"  
"What is going on?" Olivia emphasized the word, is/  
"CPS dropped the case. Apparently, Sheila was the one who started it to begin with"  
"Why am I not surprised?" Olivia quipped  
"Pretrovsky didn't have any other option other than to throw the case out" Casey explained, "I guess you got that family you always wanted"  
"I guess I did" Olivia smiled, "We'll talk again later. Thanks!"  
"Good news, I hope?" Elliot grinned  
"You have no idea"  
"On that note, I'll let you two go" Kathleen smiled, "I'm meeting Marcus at Tasty Dumpling in another ten minutes"  
"Another new boyfriend?" Elliot raised an eyebrow  
"What can I say Dad," Kathleen smiled at her father, "I've got the Stabler charm" she lightly punched him on the shoulder, "Don't mess this up" she winked.  
"Come on" Olivia pulled Elliot along with her after Kathleen had left, "I've got a little boy who's been dying to meet Santa Claus"

Once they'd picked up Noah from Lucy's, Olivia held him in her arms and Elliot walked alongside them. "Santa's workshop is still at the mall" she hesitated before continuing, "if you want to go there"  
"Sure, Mummy!"  
As they got to the corner, Noah spied a rather thin Santa Claus ringing a bell.  
'Would you like to help those less fortunate?" he glanced at the trio.  
"Mummy, what does that mean?  
"Well" Olivia began, "Sometimes, there are people who don't have nice things, things we usually have, like nice warm coats for the winter, and food at every meal"  
"That's not good" Noah reasoned aloud  
"No, it's not"  
"Can we give something to this Santa instead. He's helping poor kids who really need stuff"  
Olivia gave her son a wry smile, "Noah, sometimes I think you're a lot older than four"  
"I'll be five in two weeks!" he cheered  
"Uh huh" Olivia dug into her pocket and pulled out a five dollar bill, "Here; one dollar for every year you've been here, almost"  
"Here, Santa" Noah dropped the bill into Santa's red caultdron.  
"Thanks" Santa smiled, "How about you tell ol' Santa what you want for Christmas.  
Noah glanced from Santa to his mother. Olivia nodded her approval.  
Noah got on his tiptoes and whispered into Santa's ear, "I really want a Daddy"  
Santa looked from Olivia to Elliot and back, and grinned, "I think that can be arranged, anything else?"  
Noah thought a moment, "A little brother, too"  
Santa laughed, "I can't promise anything, but maybe"  
"Maybe!" Noah cheered.  
The trio waved bye to the thin Santa. They reached the curb.  
"Come on, take my hand" Olivia grabbed his tiny fist  
"No" Noah balked.  
Olivia had flashbacks to that August where he was nearly run over by a taxi.  
Just then, something broke the silence,  
"Before you cross the street" Elliot sang, "Please take my hand"  
Noah did so. Olivia looked amazed.  
"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" Elliot continued, "Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Noah" he smiled  
Noah smiled up at him.  
Olivia smiled at Elliot, too.  
They crossed the street.


End file.
